Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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