My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
