I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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