Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
