there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
