you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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