So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
