Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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