I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
