I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
