What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
