is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
