i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
