at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
