"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My pussy is not your playground.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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