I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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