it wasn't lemon gatorade
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
