fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
