Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
