You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
