Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
