Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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