Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
