Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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