i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
