I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
