Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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