He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
