I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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