Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
