I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
