i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
