I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
