You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
a search helicopter?!
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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