loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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