R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She needs sedatives and a leash
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
