You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
