I hate your face
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
