you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
