Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
