It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
