So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
