The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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