Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
