70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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