Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
