I'll bet she douches with gravy.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
