my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
