my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
