Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
